Lance Avery Morgan
The Waco-Bred “Snarky In The Suburbs “Author And Social Media Star Sounds Off On RSVP Delusions, Irish Goodbyes, Rogue Colonoscopy Overshares, And Brutally Funny Truths About Today’s Biggest Etiquette Fails
Portrait photography by Amber Dawkins Additional photography by Pexels
Sherry Kuehl, the creator of the beloved Snarky In The Suburbs book series and a social media force with a gift for hilariously skewering modern life, has built a brand on saying what everyone else is thinking… but with much better punchlines. Whether she’s dissecting suburban survival tactics or decoding today’s most cringe-worthy social missteps, Kuehl’s humor lands because it’s rooted in truth. And when it comes to modern etiquette? Don’t get her started, but we did, because the Texas-raised dynamo is not mincing words with her longtime dear friend, our Lance Avery Morgan.
Sherry Kuehl’s Snarky Guide To Modern Manners
Let’s start with what Claypool calls the digital elephant in the room.
The Group Text Spiral
“Too many long-winded group texts,” she says without hesitation. “You’re not writing a novella. Keep the communications short and to the point.”
In other words: brevity is kindness. No one needs 14 scrolling paragraphs about where to meet for tacos.
The Great Phone At Dinner Debate
In the age of smartphones, what’s ruder, I ask her:
A) texting during dinner
B) putting your phone face down but checking it every 30 seconds
C) dramatically announcing, “Sorry, this might be important,” when it absolutely is not?
Kuehl doesn’t even flinch.
“I’m going to say (B) putting your phone face down and then checking it every 30 seconds. It’s not only highly annoying but also pulls the focus away from the entire meal. It’s like choreographed rudeness. The phone’s down, the phone’s back up, over and over again. You’ve essentially anointed the phone with main character energy.”
As for option A?
“At least if you’re texting during dinner, you’re openly letting everyone know that you’re not going to be 100 percent present and you don’t care. You’re conveying the message that y’all are lucky I’m here and thus giving us a reason to stick you with the bill.”
And the faux-urgent texter?
“If your go-to is the ‘sorry this might be important’ and you excuse yourself from the group to respond to the ‘important’ text, then you’ve given the group the gift of now talking about you while you’re ‘away.’”
Consider yourself warned, folks.
Suburban Survival Tactics
Kuehl’s has long chronicled the comedy of cul-de-sac culture. Think of it as Knot’s Landing 3.0. The most awkward unspoken dilemma?
“It’s a tale as old as time; avoiding your neighbors while trying not to seem rude. If the good Lord wanted us to have a chit-chat every single time we saw our neighbors’ garage door openers wouldn’t have been invented.”
Sometimes, she notes, you simply want to walk your dog without debating lawn mowing patterns.
Handling The Chronic Over-Sharer
We all know one, don’t we?
“I usually love a good over-share,” she admits. “That said, if the over-share veers into the realm of a colonoscopy gone rogue, I’m out.”
Her escape plan? “The best way to convey that is to say, ‘I’m so sorry my phone is vibrating wildly, and I must investigate why. Please excuse me.’ Then immediately exit.”
Etiquette with a side of tactical retreat. Kuehl takes the high road because the view is better.
Guests, Gifts & Hosting Control
I wonder, why do guests show up empty-handed, and the hosts are secretly furious?
“I’m a bit of a hosting control freak, so if someone shows up empty-handed, I’m thrilled,” she confesses. “I don’t need wine, I feel obliged to open, flowers to find a vase for, or some food offering that clashes with my menu.”
That said, she personally never arrives empty-handed. Her go-to? “A bottle of fancy olive oil.” Noted.
RSVP Rage
Fragile doesn’t begin to cover modern RSVP culture.
“Obviously, the worst RSVP manners is saying yes and then not showing up,” she says. “But I’m also exceedingly aggravated by people who wait and wait to see if they’re going to get a better offer before replying. Once you receive the invite, you should respond in a timely manner. It’s a simple yes or no.”
Translation: your social calendar is not a bidding war.
The Irish Goodbye Debate
Is it ghosting… or genius?
“Yes, I love the Irish Goodbye. But you can only use it at large gatherings where the host won’t notice that you’ve left.”
There is a catch: “You absolutely need to follow up with the host and thank them for a lovely evening.”
At small events?
“It would be egregious behavior to simply leave without thanking the host in person. At my age, if I did that, I’d be afraid someone would send out a ‘Silver’ alert.”
The Most Passive-Aggressive Line Ever
At neighborhood gatherings, nothing cuts quite like this:
“Can I give you the name of my lawn service?”
Bless.
The Most Underrated Gesture
In a world addicted to broadcasting, Claypool believes listening is the real flex.
“Being a good listener and asking someone an interesting question about themselves (i.e., Not what church do you attend?).
Charm, it turns out, is curiosity.
Party Paparazzi & Social Media Sins
If guests start filming everything for social media, does the host have the right to enforce phones down?
“I’d tell the party paparazzi in a joking manner that their phone wasn’t invited and hope they get the message. If that doesn’t do the trick, straight to phones down.”
And when it comes to social media etiquette?
“Tagging. Anyone who posts a horribly unflattering photo of friends or acquaintances goes immediately on my enemies list. Also, beware of Karma, because what goes around comes around.”
The Lost Art Of Thank-You Notes
Finally, the rule everyone pretends to follow but rarely does…
“Wedding gift thank you notes. They’re becoming a lost art, and I’m talking about thank you notes on actual stationery that’s more than two scrawled sentences.”
The excuses, she says, are shocking. “‘Well, I thought my mom let them know I loved the gift’ to ‘they had a tracking number for the gift so I’m sure they know I got it.’”
Texts and printed generic notes? Unacceptable.
“If I did that back in the day, my mother would have run me right out of the family. I’m talking about a full-scale shunning.”
Lightning Round: Snark, Hyper-Activated
Bringing your dog everywhere.
“Hate it, and I have dogs. Have these people ever thought that maybe their dog doesn’t want to go to the coffee shop or Nordstrom? Perhaps they’d rather curl up on the couch at home.”
Sending voice texts instead of typing.
“All I have to say is that voice text better be embracing brevity.”
Guests who linger long after the candles have burned down.
“Read the room, people, because I’m the host, not a bouncer.”
Sherry Kuehl’s genius isn’t just in the snark; it’s in the accuracy. She holds up a mirror to modern life and lets us laugh at ourselves before we spiral into shame. Beneath the zingers is a surprisingly timeless message: Be present. Be considerate. Write the thank-you note.
And for the love of all things suburban, keep the group text short.
15 Top Snarky-But-Spot-On Etiquette Rules, Courtesy Of Sherry Kuehl
- Stop Writing Novels in Group Texts.
If it requires chapters, it requires a different platform. - Face-Down Phone, Constant Checking = Peak Rudeness.
You’ve given your phone main character energy. - If You Say “Yes,” Show Up.
An RSVP is not a placeholder while you wait for a better offer. - Respond to Invitations Promptly.
It’s a simple yes-or-no, not a suspense thriller. - Master the Irish Goodbye (Strategically).
Large party? Acceptable. Small dinner? Absolutely not. - Follow Up After a French Exit.
A gracious thank-you message the next day is non-negotiable. - Avoid the Colonoscopy Overshare.
Know when a story needs editing. - Have an Escape Line Ready.
“My phone is vibrating wildly…” may just save your evening. - Hosts Aren’t Obligated to Open Your Wine.
Bring a thoughtful gift; bonus points for fancy olive oil. - Don’t Film the Party Without Permission.
If your phone wasn’t invited, neither was your content. - Never Post or Tag Unflattering Photos.
Karma has a long memory, and so does the internet. - Being a Good Listener Is the Ultimate Power Move.
Ask thoughtful questions. Then actually listen. - Retire the Passive-Aggressive Lawn Comments.
“Can I give you the name of my lawn service?” are fighting words. - Your Dog Doesn’t Need a Social Calendar.
Sometimes they’d rather stay home than browse Nordstrom. - Write the Thank-You Note. By Hand.
Proper stationery. Complete sentences. No tracking-number excuses.
